UNPLUGGED

“A key to a healthy relationship is being present.” (The New York Times, 2017)  - James Roberts, author of “Too Much of a Good Thing: Are You Addicted To Your Smartphone?”

My husband has a terrible habit of losing his keys, wallet, and/or his cell phone. For the life of me, I can’t understand this. For someone who is so attached to his phone to lose it so often, I will never understand. So, for Christmas two years ago, I bought him Bluetooth tracking devices for his phone, wallet, and keys. At the time, I meant them to be somewhat of a joke but also because I was rather tired of replacing these items all of the time. I’m not sure he saw the humor in the gift as much as I did because it took him over a year to use them. I am not sure how well they genuinely work, but he is doing a much better job keeping track of them now (knock on wood).

I tell this story because it amazes me how easily my husband can lose something that he and countless others have become to rely on so much. As a matter of fact, smartphones and social media encompass many aspects of our daily lives. They have changed the way we raise our children; teach in the classrooms; conduct business; our relationships with family, friends, and our spouses; and so on. Sherry Turkle said the following in a 2012 Ted Talk:

Sherry Turkle's daughter and friends "phubbing"

People text or do email during corporate board meetings. They text and shop and go on Facebook during classes, during presentations, actually during all meetings. People talk to me about the important new skill of making eye contact while you're texting. (Laughter) People explain to me that it's hard, but that it can be done. Parents text and do email at breakfast and at dinner while their children complain about not having their parents' full attention. But then these same children deny each other their full attention.  This is a recent shot of my daughter and her friends being together while not being together. And we even text at funerals. I study this. We remove ourselves from our grief or from our revery and we go into our phones.

I recently made it my mission to write down any words I didn't know this term as I read my weekly assignments.  Then, I look them up and write down their meanings in my notebook, so I have them for later.  That way, if I ever come across the word in the future, I know what it means, or I can also expand my vocabulary a bit.  That being said, one of the words I recently encountered was "phubbing."  I will be honest; I had no unearthly idea what it meant.  Once I looked it up, it made complete sense.  In fact, I am guilty of this myself.  The New York Times states, “If you’re snubbing your partner in favor of your phone it’s called phubbing (phone + snubbing). If you’re snubbing a person in favor of any type of technology, it’s called technoference.”  We criticize teenagers these days because they text their friends sitting across the table from them, their inability to hold formal conversations with adults and maintain eye contact, and their dependency on technology in general.  However, I believe adults are just as bad, if not worse, than many teens today.  Isn’t that kind of like the pot calling the kettle black?

“Phubbers phubbing back the phubbers as they phubbed the phubbers earlier…”  - Maha   

When I was growing up, my family traditionally ate dinner together (most nights) at the kitchen table. We didn’t have cell phones to bury our noses in or ignore each other. Usually, my sister and I would tell our parents about the day and share the latest gossip we had heard. You definitely needed to pay attention when my sister and I spoke to each other, too, because if you didn’t, you would never keep up. Not only do we talk extremely fast but we often finish each other’s sentences. Sometimes, it’s as if we are speaking our own language. Now that we are grown, married, and have children of our own, my parents have started a tradition of Friday night dinners. One of the rules is no cell phones at the table. We usually abide by this rule, although we have been known to break it now and then. My point is, for one night a week, we go back to being a family for a few hours. There are no smartphones, no social media, and no email to interrupt us. Unfortunately, as our children are growing up and our lives have gotten busier (plus my parents are currently remodeling their house), our Friday night dinners have been put on hold for quite some time.  As our lives get busier and more complicated, those Friday night dinners sound better and better.  If nothing else, they were a few hours a week to simply unwind and unplug.

Unplug – a concept that seems so uncomplicated, yet the very thought causes most people extreme anxiety.  But I understand.  The New York Times asserted, “We have an intimate relationship with our phones. We sleep with them, eat with them and carry them in our pockets. We check them, on average, 47 times a day — 82 times if you’re between 18 and 24 years old, according to recent data.”  We use our smartphones and technology to assist us in many of the mundane tasks we do daily.  We use them as alarm clocks; calendars; to remind us of just about ANYTHING (and to remind us to set a reminder); we can watch movies, television, and videos on them; we text (and no longer call) our friends, family, and business associates on them; and we can not only complete our school work on them, but we can also “attend class” on our phones as well.  Therefore, the thought of being without it scares us.  Our phones are our lifeline to the outside world.  Then again, it feels incredible when you finally let go and relax and UNPLUG!

A few years ago, we went on a cruise to the Bahamas.  Since our son was with us, my husband and I agreed to no cell phones.  When I put my phone in the room safe and locked the door, my heart raced.  How was I going to survive the next several days without social media, email, and checking the news, etc.?  I thought about it a lot for the first few hours.  Then, after being unplugged for a little while (and several drinks), I realized I didn’t need my phone.  I was there to be with my family and I started actually to be there with them.  It was liberating!  I felt free… until the ship docked, and we went back to reality again.  So perhaps, the question needs to be asked.  Are adults learning about social media, technology, and how to behave from our children, or are our children learning their bad habits from their parents and the adults around them?

“Disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other.”  - Rosemary M. Wixom