ARE YOU OVERSHARENTING?

"The best moments in my life don't make it to social media."  - Rosalynn Mejia

A few weeks ago, I had a thought about something our professor said regarding safety and our blogs. However, due to the chaos in my life, I filed it into the back of my mind with the other thoughts I plan to get to later. But then, I thought about it again when I wrote one of my blog posts a few weeks ago. I wanted my son in a picture, but I didn’t want his face in the photo. Our professor told us at the beginning of the term to be mindful of what we post on our blogs. He reminded us that our blogs are public, and we don’t want to put too much personal information on them for the entire world to see. And I have tried to take that to heart, not even taking into consideration one “minor” detail…social media.

This week, we read an article in The Atlantic, that illustrates the effects that parents’ social media posts have on their younger children, who are now starting to reach the age of social media use.  Many children are Googling their names, and they are upset and embarrassed by what they have found.  These kids are finding humiliating pictures and videos their parents have put on Facebook and Instagram for their friends (and the world) to see.  As a parent, I am incredibly proud of my son and love him more than words can say.  So, naturally, I am also delighted when he accomplishes something astonishing or when he has reached a particular milestone, such as riding his bike or the first day of school.  And you want your friends and family to share in your joy with you.  Shouldn’t you?

Taylor Lorenz, with The Atlantic, reported,

While many kids may not yet have accounts themselves, their parents, schools, sports teams, and organizations have been curating an online presence for them since birth.  The shock of realizing that details about your life—or, in some cases, an entire narrative of it—have been shared online without your consent or knowledge has become a pivotal experience in the lives of many young teens and tweens.  

I think back to all of my social media posts, and try to remember if I have ever shared anything that might embarrass my son if he were to Google his name in the future.  (Although, he’s 12, so that’s probably somewhat a rhetorical question).  Then I think about some of the things I have put on social media versus others, and my son has no reason to worry.  I think deep down, I have always tried to be mindful that the “world” can see and read everything I am posting to my social media. I realize I am simply a mom in small-town AL, so the chances of my life being important to the world is slim to none. However, what about the overenthusiastic, popular mommy bloggers who make their living writing weekly stories about the hilarious adventures of their children? Or, perhaps, the women who share all their secrets with the world from the moment of conception, or when they receive their first ultrasound picture?  The Atlantic noted the word for this is sharenting.

What I’ve come to realize, is that all these years we’ve spent trying to protect our son from pedophiles and creeps on the Internet, we’ve been putting him out there for the whole world to see as well.  He repeatedly reminds us he is one of the only kids in his class, as well as one of the only boys in his group of friends, that still doesn't have a cell phone.  My husband and I have done this for multiple reasons, and I don’t apologize for them.  First, it’s another bill we would have to pay each month.  Second, our son isn’t exactly the most responsible child in the world.  We have tried giving him more responsibility and he will do well for a while and then – BAM!  He had my husband’s old phone (without data) for quite a while until he broke it by slamming my car trunk lid on it.  Last year, he wore another child’s coat home from school and didn’t notice it wasn’t his (much nicer and much more expensive coat).  Needless to say, whoever wore his coat home never brought it back.  And, he also left his brand new expensive jacket on a friend’s mailbox overnight and didn’t realize he left it there.  We didn’t notice it was gone because he has a couple of different coats he wears.  Therefore, would you buy an expensive cell phone for this child?  I think not! 

The Atlantic points out (names have been changed to protect privacy), “Allie was in fourth grade the first time she Googled herself.  Like Ellen, she wasn’t expecting to find anything, since she doesn’t yet have her own social-media accounts.  Google turned up just a few photos, but she was shocked that there was anything at all.  She immediately became hyperaware of the image her mother was building for her on Instagram and Facebook.”  As parents, we worry about what our children are watching online, as far as the websites they visit, and if they are age-appropriate.  Parents try to ensure their kids only talk to “their friends” on social media, and that the computer is in a common area of the house.  We teach our children about online safety and what to do if a stranger tries to talk to them online.  As parents, we have put all of these online safety measures in place to ensure our children are protected, all the while, we are the ones doing them the most harm.

It seems to me, as parents, we need to take a step back and look at some of the things we are putting on social media about our children.  Does the entire world need to know that little Johnny wet the bed last night for the eighth time in a row, or how your daughter Rachel “became a woman” yesterday?  And it’s probably a violation of their privacy if parents are posting their children's’ texts on their social media as well.  Would you want your friends to read your break-up text?  As parents, we may see these as innocent and funny tidbits of information to laugh about with our friends.  However, our children see them as mortifying because we all know that what we post on the Internet never goes away.  Also, you never know – some creepy pedophile may be collecting information, and you are leaving them bread crumbs.  I know my eyes have been opened – have yours? 

"I know there are a lot of comics that put their kids all over social media, but I think it's weird. There are over 100,000 people following you. To me, it feels like you should probably tone that down."  - Tom Segura